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21. Enough Is Enough

It seems to me that there is a strong correlation between 'practicing' and easy, confidant elegance. (Cary Grant is my idol) But I've had enough practice. I've had enough of practicing. It seems to be necessary but is it? To practice at all takes discipline and that's not a strong point of mine. To make practicing joyful is a real stretch for me and I believe in following my joy. I just love it when my games go smoothly and so I'm stuck with practicing. Boo.

I think there is another way because there's also elegance without practice or very little practice. That seems to involve a letting-go, a trusting and a confidence that you can just do it. That's where, I think, my practice pays off and any confidence of mine seems to grow out of my practicing. But it's possible, just possible, that confidence, anybody's confidence, doesn't come from practice at all.

Confidence might come from a partial awareness of who you are. Maybe my practicing just reminds me of that awareness and nothing more. Maybe practice is really a self-teaching trick for remembering.

I think the more you are aware of yourself, in the fullest sense, the less practice you need. I think if you really, really knew who or what you are, you wouldn't need to practice at all.

People who do things without any practice are all around us. They come in all varieties from the just plain dumb to musical prodigies like Mozart and Buddy Rich. Buddy told me once when I asked him about practicing, "I practice on the gig"! Buddy had absolute confidence he was the world's greatest drummer and said so many (too many) times. Wolfgang, before he was even old enough to spell 'Amadeus' was confident in his composing ability.

When they're doing their thing from digging a hole to high art or science or business or anything else, aware people have that certain confidence in what they're doing. They all are very calm about this awareness and some of them told me (I know a few today.) they were quite startled, in the beginning, to find out that everyone else was different. They say things like, "I always knew I could do this" and "It's always been easy for me".

They are usually calm (and happy) about what they're doing and if it bombs, so what, they just do it again. I'm pretty sure I would be calm and happy too if I really knew, down to my bones, who I was. Then whatever I was doing would be elegant. Then the boring practice would be automatically included, like Buddy's was, in the doing.

I think what I'm trying to do with this writing is to remember in my bones what I've been able to demonstrate logically. Because if you knew in those bones of yours that a) you were selected by the Deity to be 'His' emissary, delegate, and fact-finder and b) that your job was to experience your creations and report your findings to Him and c) to do this marvelous job you were given all the grace and elegance you needed you wouldn't be practicing any more, you'd be just being. Then all you would have to do is pick your experiences. That's it: just pick 'em and enjoy 'em. (Sounds like a roadside farm market doesn't it?)

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